My Super Power

The past few months I’ve been finding the balance between humility and confidence, between stretching and stuffing myself into a box. I’ve been testing my new limits and understanding where to stop before I run right across that line.

As I navigate through my professional career and overall amazing life I am regularly faced with choices, choices I never had before. Ten years ago the choice was, what can I do to last longer than a year at the job of the year so I can provide for my family. I had no degree, no certifications, professional designations, etc. but I did have a super power, in fact I still possess it.

As a child, teenager, and young adult I found that I got tired pretty quickly, my chest would start to hurt any time I had a cram session studying for a test in school and often times I would get hit with the latest bug. My Mom would always tell me, “Laura you’re just not built like other people, you have to rest more, be careful not to take too much on.” Yep those words along with the words of others fueled me as an adult taking on a full-time job, three kids, and going to school for my bachelors for almost four years. She would have been proud if she had lived long enough to see me walk the stage.

At the age of 18 almost 19 I found out I had a pretty severe anxiety disorder and at age 20, after attempted suicide, I was diagnosed as a manic depressive.

Wasn’t I going to tell you about my super power? Almost…I’m getting to it.

At the age of 22 after a surgical procedure I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. Then in my mid-twenties I found out that the birth control meant to control my endometriosis was causing me to have mini-strokes with debilitating migraines that all together would cause partial paralysis. All the while I am the woman that gets tired super easy, gets sick even easier and is forever yo-yoing between emotions.

In my late twenties my mother was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism, that same year I was tested and diagnosed with the same prothrombin mutation my mother had along with Protein S deficiency. What does that mean? It means I am highly susceptible to getting a blood clot. During my pregnancy with my youngest I gave myself blood thinner shots in my belly to keep me and my Alice safe and alive. In 2013 at the age of 34ish my mother was gone, almost year after her death, I was diagnosed with extensive pulmonary emboli in my upper and lower lung.

If I thought I was tired and sick all of the time before, can you imagine afterwards? Yep, I spent many mornings on the floor of my bathroom sobbing and then pulling myself together so that I could carry on, finish school and excel at my incredibly stressful yet fulfilling job.

One day while attending a Discovery event I closed my eyes as the song played, crazy thing is as pivotal as that moment was I can’t remember the song, and when I opened them my world was forever changed.

I left the fulfilling job with no job to go to. I took a leap of faith. It’s a good thing I did because in a little over a year I would barely be able to walk. Yep, you’re reading this right, so how does this correlate to a super power? It will I promise.

I landed a great job after I left, one that offered me balance and great benefits but not near exhilarating as my last. That was ok because the day came when I would see about five doctors in one month, ruling out MS and Muscular Dystrophy, along with many other diseases. I would be loaded up with about 20 pills a day. My job allowed me the flexibility to figure it all out.

If you’ve read my other posts you know that I was ultimately diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and since that diagnosis I’ve been able to uncover other causes of my paralysis and lack of coordination at times. But that’s not the point of this post. The title of this post is “My Super Power” and here is where it all comes together. My whole life, than I can remember, I have never felt well, I have felt like an outcast, I could never be truly competitive in sports or be the top braniac in school. I could never work long hours without getting sick. I now know why,

My multiple conditions have given me the gift to know my limitations but they have also allowed me to realize my gifts, my super power. All my life I’ve been the fastest and most efficient person I know. In any situation I’m in or task I’m completing I look for a more efficient way to complete it. How can I maximize my time. How do you thing I made in through undergrad and now almost through my graduate program? People ask me how I balance it all. I don’t! There in lies my super power and the reconciliation with my conditions while still finding ways to experience the type of success I want to experience. Not everyone has this gift and guess what? It’s cool because they rock at other things that I don’t.

I have been gifted the ability to do more in less time, allowing me to rest, when I listen to my body screaming at me. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to be able to acknowledge that I am gifted. Here’s the awesome rub , the good kind of rub, YOU ARE GIFTED TOO. YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS.

I am smart and fabulous, I am a warrior, I am a fierce wife and mother, I’m a wave maker and a ground shaker, I’m a survivor of many atrocities and illnesses. And when I flare or am nearing the line, I adjust my crown and kick back in my recliner to take a break and refuel for my place in this world.

It’s your turn now, and don’t hold back, now is not the time for humility…Who are you? What is your super power?

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